To Kill a Bunyip Read online

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  A short tribute to Gazza before I get into the juicy bits of the town.

  Null, a town with the nicest pansies in flowerbeds alongside of a concrete driveway. Null, often described as ‘Where the hell is that?’ before federal politics changed the way people perceived the town and its inhabitants.

  In a home, approximately a driver and nine iron distance from the town, described locally as living on Rich Bitch Hill, a phone rang.

  ‘Gary, what the hell are you doing? This newspaper has the debate as their main story. What good is it running off getting support from a multitude of people who know nothing? You are a scum, a small-minded politician who was expelled from schools of the highest order that could have educated you to the highest knowing. You have despised what my family did for you. When your parents were killed in the accident, my family took you in: fed and clothed you. Educated you and you do this to us. What good is a debate going to do? When I was the Member for Crow, you did nothing but ridicule me. Me, the person who took you fishing and taught you bush skills and what you do now is treason to my good family. If it wasn’t for the fact you deposed me at the last election I would ram. . . . I would go and. . . . oh, I’d cut you off completely but now as Mayor I have to smile in public when we are out and about. I despise you Gary and don’t ever set a foot on any of my families’ property again. I can’t say how much I despise you,’ Arthur Freeman said.

  ‘Are you finished raving on? Is your family crest still hanging straight? Arthur, your mother is the cousin of my mother. We are related Arthur, though I stopped being your friend after you denied the child abuse stuff in the family. Anyway, what the heck are you going on about? Newspaper, what newspaper?’ Gary Benedict Smith said.

  ‘The newspaper has a headline which reads, “Cocks in Frocks versus a Cock in a Frock”, and I’m not amused by it.’

  ‘Sounds about right. I wonder who thought that one up but considering the debate is me against your priests, I hardly think you should see a problem with a bit of free publicity. A public debate about religion has been called for and that’s what I’ll be debating. Don’t call me Arthur and I promise I won’t be calling you. See you at the debate and while you’re at it. Please tell your mum the pie she cooked for me was delicious.’

  Gary Smith sat down and planned his next Saturday night gig at the local theatre restaurant as he had done for years before becoming an elected member of Federal Parliament.

  One week later.

  ‘Gary Smith thanks for coming in to our ABC regional newsroom. We appreciate, under the circumstances of what happened tonight, it must be traumatic to you and I’ll be as brief as possible for you to get home tonight and rest for your engagements tomorrow.’

  ‘Thanks Andrea.’

  ‘Gary Smith, one year after the landslide victory of the LGBT Party winning an unprecedented 145 of the 150 seats in Federal Parliament it is now a different scene in democracy in Australia. Do you think tonight was prompted, in the town of New Brunswick, as a result of continuing unrest by the now defunct Oligarch Party, were you targeted by descendents of Terrence Null who live in this area?’

  ‘Andrea, I am descended from Terrence Null. Many families in this area are. In Null where I live, the after-shock of the election twelve months ago has not had any effect on the town. Null is one of those places where nothing happens. Tonight we saw in New Brunswick, the core of democracy being challenged by those who upheld democracy as their dogma. In effect, they were using democracy as their armoury for a demagogue government. Three people were to debate with me the subject of religion. One person turned up to represent their point of view. The audience threw tomatoes and rotten eggs and demonstrated violently. I have no idea why they did it. There is a belief in the town of Null, that it was democracy being challenged, not religion. The Two Party preferred voting system was overthrown when one of the two parties was obliterated and now the Communist Party is in disarray. The political process in Australia was a Left Wing party and a Right Wing party contest. That system is now being replaced by a movement to return, as close as possible, to the democracy of ancient Athens, the birth-place of democracy. The next elections will be interesting because the Oligarch party is gone, and replaced by a void in politics.

  In response to your question, I was warned before by an anonymous message of a disruption based on a resurgence of the Oligarch Party. I can’t say anything more than that.

  I don’t want to comment on the behaviour of our esteemed Mayor, Arthur Freeman. I understand your cameras captured his antics as he approached the lectern.’

  ‘Mr Gary Smith, thank you for your words and now this is Andrea Longbottom for ABC News crossing back to our Canberra studios where the Prime Minister is talking to a panel of guests.’